This isn't your typical ClosettCandyy blog post. Today I want share a story about the complicated relationship I have with my teeth. After a recent visit to Studio Pineo - Microblading and Cosmetics for my very first teeth whitening appointment, I felt it was important to talk about my insecurities and how I've managed to overcome them with a little bit of help.
Teeth are a touchy subject for me and have been since a young age. Once all my baby teeth fell out, I was left with a jumbled set of teeth that were forced to grow inside a little tiny mouth. My eye teeth were poking out of my gums, my two front teeth were inverted, and the bottom row looked like drunk pile of dominos. It seemed that all my friends and family had a straight set of pearly whites and to put it lightly - I was jealous and insecure.
It also didn't help that my dad, uncle, and brother made fun of me at every opportunity. I can't tell you how many times I've cried or the amount of nightmares I've had surrounding my teeth. Have you ever had a dream where you're casually brushing your teeth and they all fall out? I've lost count of mine...
But I wasn't always this way! In the two photos below you'll see a young Jesse around the ages of seven and nine, proudly flashing her teeth for a photo (even the one I pulled out). This was a few years before insecurities would replace my fearlessness; a feeling I think we're all quite familiar with.
Public school was hard for me, as it is for a lot of kids. As I was pulling photos for this post I noticed I didn't have as many in my keepsake box as I remember taking, and I know that's because I've thrown them out. I've gone through phases of such deep insecurity where I don't want to be reminded of when I was "ugly" ... which leads to an impulse decision to throw out memories and keepsakes. I thought I was doing myself a favour, but it's my only regret in life. I love photos now and I'm sad to think at one time in my life they were a pain point for me.
Of the few photos I do have, my smile is small, my lips are closed, and I remember really not wanting to have my photo taken in the first place.
I'm getting a little emotional as I reach the part in my story where I talk about my Grade 8 graduation. I can distinctly remember how insecure I felt (about everything) and how badly I wanted to feel comfortable in my own skin. I hated the way I looked. I didn't like my body, and I certainly didn't like my teeth. My face in the photo below says it all.
After graduation I soon had a dentist appointment where we made plans for braces. At fourteen years old and about to enter high school, I was more than ready for a "new Jesse". To prep for the procedure, I had eight teeth pulled and wore a spacer for six months in attempt to stretch out the roof of my mouth; both really fond memories I might add. But nothing would prepare me for the next year and a half of braces - the most in pain and unhappy I think I've ever been. I was in pain because of how tight my braces were and how much my teeth had to move. I couldn't eat with normal cutlery for a year because just the sound of the metal hurt my teeth. I lost weight because I couldn't eat properly without pain, and soon I reached a whole new low in my insecurities.
Fast forward one year, six months - the braces are removed and it's like a switch went off in my head; I was a brand new person. I couldn't believe there were beautiful teeth staring back at me and that they were mine. I had a newfound confidence. I was someone who loved their teeth, was confident in her smile, and didn't mind having her photo taken. In fact, I was now the one taking selfies and smiling bigger than ever in group photos.